Jeanne Owens, author

Blog about author Jeanne Owens and her writing


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Is Your Cat Plotting To Kill You? – Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SoCS

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“How do you tell if your cat is plotting to kill you?” Sherri asked Mitch as she set her cup down on the coffee table.

Mitch gave her a quizzical look from the recliner across the table from her seat on the couch. “What do you mean?” he asked before taking a sip of coffee.

Behind the couch, a black and white cat crouched unseen and listened silently.

“Well, it’s just, you know. Things. Things Tux has been doing lately.”

Mitch set the coffee cup on the table. He thought she was probably overreacting, being a new cat owner and all, but he felt he should humor her, so he asked, “Like what?”

“Well, he always seems to be underfoot. I have to constantly watch where I’m walking for fear of tripping over him. Even on the stairs. I can be walking down the stairs when suddenly, as if from out of nowhere, he’ll be crouched on step, almost like he was trying to trip me.”

Behind the couch, the cat’s ears perked up and he turned his head slightly towards the spot where Sherri’s voice was coming from.

“Cats being underfoot is pretty normal, Sherri. Is that all he’s doing?”

Sherri shook her head. “I’ll wake up at night, suddenly unable to breathe, and find Tux has draped himself over my face.”

Behind the couch, Tux’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t like what he was hearing from Sherri.

“I’ve heard of some cats doing that, Sherri. They’ll lay there or near your head, or even on your chest. They like to feel your pulse. It’s comforting to them. It’s nothing to get too concerned over. Is there anything else?”

“Well, actually, …”

Tux didn’t wait to hear whatever else Sherri related. He padded quietly out of the room and into the spare bedroom. Crawling under the bed, he dragged out a book he had carefully hidden. “How can she be on to me already?” he muttered as he licked a paw and started turning pages. “I can’t believe it! I wonder what the book recommends I should do now…”

(images are from Pinterest)

(And I recommend the How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You book, by The Oatmeal. It’s hilarious :D)


This post is part of the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, “how”:

https://lindaghill.com/2022/04/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-9-2022/